Ken rewinds the clocks

The image of an adult on a tricycle — precarious and uncertain — became the driving force behind the poem Ken needed for his wife Sue's memorial service. 

Chapters in this episode:

1. Introduction at the cabin
2. A couple of loons on tricycles
3. Ken and Sue take on the world together
4. Swiss miss, cuckoo clocks, and finding a home in one another
5. Sue’s diagnosis, surgery, complications, and passing
6. Lost time and post-life letters
7. The poem: “It Was a Lark”

Chapters

• 1:01 Introduction at the cabin
• 3:43 A couple of loons on tricycles
• 6:00 Ken and Sue take on the world together
• 8:15 Swiss miss, cuckoo clocks, and finding a home in one another
• 12:37 Sue’s diagnosis, surgery, complications, and passing
• 14:24 Lost time and post-life letters
• 16:56 The poem: “It Was a Lark”

Transcript

01 TAPIT_EP03_Ken_MIXweb_230414

Fri, Apr 21, 2023 12:26PM • 22:45

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

poem, ken, sue, loons, clocks, todd, writing, wife, live, cabin, trips, quilts, big, leaved, lake, trikes, world, hear, sons, chicago

SPEAKERS

Ken, Todd

Ken  00:00

Hey Todd. My name is Ken Keller. I live in northern Minnesota, and my wife passed away unexpectedly after having open heart surgery on November 1st of last year, and I was looking to have a poem done that could be read at her memorial service on April 15th. I would like to have something in memory of her and given to our three sons as a memorial of her life. You can reach me on my cell phone, which is 218…

Todd  00:53

Welcome. I'm Todd Boss. In this podcast, I help strangers discover the poetry in their most intimate stories. I reach Ken at his cabin on a snowy morning in February. Hey, Ken 

Ken  01:06

Hi Todd.

Todd  01:09

I'm glad you're here. Good morning. 

Todd  00:53

Ken’s a round faced white haired fellow with a sweet, generous smile and an elfin nose, looks a little like former US Senator John McCain. How long have you had this cabin?

Ken  01:22

We moved up from Chicago. I retired in 2004.

Todd  01:27

Ken's a retired cardiovascular nurse who has spent most of his life in VA hospitals in coronary and vascular intensive care.

Ken  01:35

We were living in a little town called West Chicago. It was a suburb. There was a big General Mills cereal plant there. Wrigley's Spearmint gum had a flavoring factory, and Campbell's Soup had a mushroom farm that we live across from—you could smell the compost when they work in the compost, and then they would seed it for the mushrooms. And so in 2004, we sold our house, and we came up here, and we were looking to build a place on a lake, but we ran into this, and my wife just loved it. 

Todd  02:05

Show me around a little bit. 

Ken  02:15

Okay, this, this is the great room.

Todd  02:17

Ken angles his laptop so I can see the cabin.

Ken  02:21

It's a hand hewn log home.

Todd  02:25

Vaulted ceilings. A beautiful big porch that looks out over the lake surrounded by pines. Oh, you're outside now; I don't want to make you go outside.

Ken  02:34

There is snow out here.

Todd  02:36

Yeah, you've got a good foot and a half.

Ken  02:39

The lake is out there. Past the trees there.

Todd  02:42

There it is. It's a beautiful spot. A far cry from views of West Chicago Campbell's Soup mushroom factory. Is that her quilting studio out there?

Ken  02:52

Yeah, there's a quilting studio. I built her a quilting studio. It is really cute. It looks like a gnome house.

Todd  03:00

I love it. My mother is a quilter. I have a lot of respect for beautiful quilts. I know what kind of work goes into those.

Ken  03:08

Yeah, she did a lot of quilts after we moved up here in the winters. That's what a lot of women do besides reading. They do a lot of quilting. Because sometimes it's just too cold to go out. I think the coldest it's been since we have been here, actual temperature, was 42. 

Todd  03:31

Gee whiz

Ken  03:33

But we liked the snow. But there aren't a lot of animals out right now. And I thought gosh, I wish we were doing this in the spring when the loons come back.

Todd  03:44

The Loon, state bird of Minnesota, is a large black and white diving waterbird that overwinters as far south as Mexico,

Ken  03:52

There's generally two pair on our lake. One comes to the west end where we are, and the other one is down on the eastern end.

Todd  04:00

They're known for calling mournfully to one another in haunting multisyllabic warbles that sound oddly, like ghostly laughter It's thought they got their name because they work so precariously on their diving legs when out of water.

Ken  04:17

We would sleep with the door open. And at about two o'clock in the morning, they would call out just trying to find each other up the lake. It echoes down through there, you can hear the loons.

Todd  04:33

They weren't made to be out of water. And they're known very rarely to be alone.

Ken  04:37

She was here we did that. You know up here, the hardest thing is the loneliness, of not having her.

Todd  04:46

You'll hear it as he talks to me: Ken alternate between the weight of his new loneliness.

Ken  04:51

And it's still pretty, still pretty raw. 

Todd  04:55

And the eagerness with which he shares the cherished details of their life together.

Ken  05:00

I gotta tell you this little story. Sue and I, when we met at college, at the University of Miami, she lived in a high rise dorm, and they had intramural, little contests and events. And one of them was the girls would push the guys on tricycles around the track, and she pushed me. 

Todd  05:28

You steered.

Ken  05:30

Kept my feet away from the pedals. And we won. 

Todd  05:33

I love it. 

Ken  05:34

We just hit it off, and we were the best of friends. We were like real soulmates, we did everything together. And that's, that's the way it was. And it was such a shock, because we were so, we had so many things still planned. (Yeah) You know, trips and stuff like that.

Todd  05:58

Ken tells me Sue was happiest when traveling.

Ken  06:01

We started traveling after we got up here in, into Minnesota. And when we've done trips all over the world. We’ve been to Vietnam, Cambodia, Angkor Wat, China, the places that I never thought I would get to see. I never thought I would get to see the pyramids or those kinds of places. And we've done the river trips on the Rhine, the Danube, the Moselle, the Seine, all of those. (Wow) We’ve been to Antarctica, we saw humpback whales bubble feeding for krill, and you're right out there on the zodiacs because it's a small ship.

Todd  06:46

That’s amazing. 

Ken  06:48

And when we were down in South America, we had guinea pig is what they serve down there.  It’s like our turkey at Thanksgiving. And the little guinea pigs are running around. Well, there isn't much meat on a guinea pig, but I have eaten guinea pig. And in Vietnam I have, and Cambodia, I have eaten tarantula, they fry them up with, in in oil, and, you know, they eat Silkworms and grasshoppers and all that kind of stuff.

Todd  07:27

You know, Ken, a lot of people have stereotypes about Northern Minnesotans. You know, that, that they're kind of parochial, and that their world is really small. And they, you know, they don't get out much.

Ken  07:40

Yeah, I think that is kind of true. I mean, the average, the average person probably doesn't go very far from here, but I think that's changing a little bit. But we think it's really important, if you can, to travel because you really see that everybody has the same wants, needs, and desires as everybody else.

Todd  08:07

Yeah. Makes the world a smaller place, doesn't it?

Ken  08:10

It makes a big difference.

Todd  08:13

Sue was born to Swiss parents and loved all things Swiss.

Ken  08:18

She really embraced her Swiss citizenship. She loved cheese; she loved bread. We would have fondue dinners with the neighbors. We would have raclette dinners. We would go back to Switzerland and see her cousins, and we have friends in Switzerland.

Todd  08:39

Switzerland is an enchanted, an enchanted world, isn't it?

Ken  08:45

Yeah, they’re… and the music boxes. I just love their music boxes. And I have a couple, one that Sue bought me as a gift.

Todd  08:55

The cabin is filled with handcrafted souvenirs from their travels.

Ken  08:59

We have a lot of antiques, and I collected clocks. We have a lot of clocks, but I only have 12 that are actually working.

Todd  09:11

Only 12.

Ken  09:13

But I have more than that. 

Todd  09:15

Tell me about the cuckoo clock. 

Ken  09:17

See if I can just show you here.  Can you see that?

Todd  09:21

Oh yeah. Wow. This is no ticky tacky, dicky-bird bric-a-brac he's got here.  Gorgeous.

Ken  09:27

It's all sanded and shaped.

Todd  09:30

Intricately hand carved wooden things carry a royal bearing and integrity all to themselves. 

Ken  09:38

They're one of a kind. 

Todd  09:39

Lovingly made, thickly leaved all around. You could almost believe a real bird lives in there.

Ken  09:50

But they're all mechanical clocks. So it's hard, you know, the springs. They wea down. You know, like anything, they, they do wear out.

Todd  10:03

I grew up on a farm. My dad kept a pendulum wall clock ticking and chiming by winding it every week. It was the metronome of our days, sounding out the quarter hours. When it wound down and went silent, you didn't notice except that an eerie quiet had come over the house, at which point, getting that clock started again, felt like an urgent imperative.

Ken  10:29

Now, I've said to Sue, even though she's not here, I said, you know, you got out at the right time. We're just an animal on this planet, like all of the civilizations before us, and eventually we're gonna go too. The human race is going to go. And I just, I worry about that with the grandkids and that kind of stuff. Because it's not a, it's not a good time, we've ruined the planet, and I'm not quite sure we'll be able to get it back. I'm kind of, I’m not so optimistic with what's going on. And we did a lot of talk about that. But she was very optimistic. She always had a smile on her face. And that's what I hear from other people. I think we were opposites. But opposites attract. And she was a very outgoing person. She made me an outgoing person.

Todd  11:35

Even though they love to have adventures all over the world, Ken and Sue enjoyed their domesticity, too.

Ken  11:42

We were growing older together. We played cards in the winter, we played stiff bow, we’d play hand and foot canasta. We did puzzles together in the wintertime, we just did that kind of stuff. We would go to movies together too. And we always watched a lot of public television. In the evening, sometimes, we always sat together. Now I'm down with a TV tray because I have nobody to talk to. (Yeah.) And she did all the cooking pretty much. I would do all of the outside stuff. You know, split logs for the little wood stove that we have and mow the grass and plow the snow and that kind of stuff. But it is, it is pretty tough being alone. And we actually had three trips planned for 2022. And then when she discovered that she had mitral valve problems, heart problems, and we decided that she should probably have the surgery because it was only going to get worse. She had the surgery, she went through the surgery fine. Got back to the intensive care unit. I got up there to see her she was still pretty groggy. And they said that everything looked like it was going fine. The surgeon said everything looks fine. And I was ready to take care of her as a nurse would do. And it was around noon. And I said well, I'll go get a bite to eat, and I'll come back. And when I came back, she wasn't in the room. And apparently, she had started to bleed a lot through the chest tubes. And basically, her heart just ruptured. And they weren't able to save her.

Todd  13:41

Were none of your boys there with you?

Ken  13:45

No, and and I had kept them all informed, you know, and that was the, that was just the killer because I had let her sister know, all three of the boys knew that everything looked like it was going fine. The surgeon said everything looks fine. And I said, “I'll take care of you when you get home.” And then to have that happen, and then have to call them all back and said she’s gone, it was pretty devastating.

Todd  14:21

Yeah. Wow. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it must be like for a cardiac nurse to lose his wife in a cardiac unit. But it hurts my heart. 

Ken  14:34

We did everything together. And I think that's one of the things: there's just it was such a shock because we thought we had more time, but…

Todd  14:45

it's hard to hear him talk about last time surrounded as he is by the ticking of it, clocks everywhere. Clocks on every wall, clocks on every shelf, their little gears, grinding us forward to now, to now, to now, to now… Do you think you'll stay up there in the house? Have you thought much about it?

Ken  15:16

Yes. You know, this is our place. Yeah. And you know, she had notebooks from college that I found, as it was going through stuff. Where she would write stuff: don’t count the days; make the days count. That was from Mohammed Ali. She wrote this down. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make. She would also write me. This, I found this to reverse a lot of things. She was writing me before we had our first baby. I want you to know how very deeply I love you.  And it goes on. 

Todd  16:26

Wow. Beautiful. 

Ken  16:28

That's kind of person she was.

Todd  16:30

Thank you for sharing.

Ken  16:34

It was a special life. Yeah. As everybody says, it's gonna take time. But I just felt that a poem would be something that would be nice to do.

Todd  16:56

It's a tall order writing an elegy for someone you've never met, someone who means so much more to her family and her community than I can grasp. Ken wants a tribute, but he's not the only one grieving. Does he want this tribute to speak for all of them, his sons, his grandchildren, his wife's sister, the communities she served? Ken hasn't invited me to interview any of them. I think he wants a love poem, an expression of his own personal feelings for his wife. I think Ken wants to rewind the clock and revisit the moment before she died. Stay in the room with her and give her something. When I reached back out to Ken to give him the poem I've written (there he is/there you are) his dog, Sully, is keeping him company. 

Ken 17:46

That's, that's Sully.

Todd 17:49

Let me see Sally.

Ken 17:50

Here. I'll show you. 

Todd 17:51

Wow. Sully is a solid 150 pound Newfoundland. Look at that. Big black monster.

Ken  18:01

Just a second, Todd. Let me let me let him out. I'll be right with you. Anyway, that's, that's Sully. He just gets kind of crazy. He gets to be a nuisance, naturally, because he just is so lovable. And he gets so excited when he sees people. So yeah.

Todd  18:25

Yeah. How's your day going?

Ken  18:27

Good. Pretty good. Yeah.

Todd  18:29

Oh, good.  Yeah. All right. Well, listen, I'm gonna send this to you. First off, questions. I want to, I want to know what it's been like for you. You've got this stranger writing a poem for you.

Ken  18:40

Well, it's been interesting. I, I. I'm excited.

Todd  18:49

Good. Well, I never know how to prepare someone for their poem. Because I don't even know if you have something in mind. Is there something in your imagination?

Ken  18:58

Well, I don't know. But I think it'll make me cry.

Todd  19:05

That's an easy, that's an easy one. I love your availability to your emotions. Okay. Well, I just hit send. Do you have your email available there? Yeah,

Ken  19:21

Yeah, let’s see. Okay, I've got it up.

Todd  19:25

Great, I’m gonna read it to you. Okay? And then you can read along with me and I decided to make this poem from you. You know, that seemed really like the right thing. 

Ken  19:38

Yeah, I like that. I like that. 

Todd  19:440

So voice in the poem is yours. 

Ken  19:41

I think that was a good idea.

Todd  19:43

”It Was a Lark” is the title. (Okay.) It was a lark/ and cuckoo: girls/ pushed boys/ round a track/ on trikes. You/ charged — my/ wheels/ were/ spun — we won!/ Fifty-one years/ our race was/ run. It was a lark,/ with cuckoo/ clocks and/ quilts and trips/ and dives and/ games and/ Swiss fondue/ and sons,/  daughters/ and sons/ of sons,/ and/ moons/ and northwoods/ loons and/ fun. You gave/ and gave. You/ navigated/ while I drove/ Rte 66 Chicago/ to the Pier / and everywhere,/ 6 continents/ made close./ You were/ my friend./ Too soon/ the/ cuckoo/ strikes:/ We’re all/ on trikes again,/ the girls/ and boys/ all grown,/ and my world/ bigger now/ my lark/ has flown.

Ken  20:59

I love it, Todd. I think that's perfect. You, you captured it. Without a doubt. I really appreciate it. It's, it's just exactly what I was hoping we would get.

Todd  21:21

You can read and hear this poem again and find related bonus content on our website poeminthat.com. Are you going to be reading this poem for her?

Ken  21:36

I'd love to I don't know if I can. Because I'm not even sure, by that time, I could stand up there.

Todd  21:49

There's a poem that is written and produced by me, Todd Boss, and co-producer Bronwen Clark with support from associate producer Hila Plitmann, audio support from Ben O'Brien, original music by Esh Whitacre. You're a great guy, Ken. It's really been a privilege for me to do this with you. If you liked this podcast, share it with others or support us with a donation at poeminthat.com. (Thanks a lot.) Take care. And as always, if you think there's a poem in your story, tell us why by leaving a message on our Haiku, Hawaii listener line at 808-300-0449. I'm Todd Boss, reminding you that there's a poem in everything, if you're paying attention.